Grammah humah

A man returned from Mexico with a bad case of the runs. Hoping for a prescription of Kaopectate, he described his symptoms to his doctor in florid detail, only to be diagnosed with logorrhea instead. And did you hear about the woman who described her pain as stabbing, piercing, throbbing, distressing, and troublesome? Her doctor diagnosed her with adjectivitis and sent her off with a prescription for a 10-week course of remedial English.

Grammar and humour may seem like strange bedfellows, but grammar jokes do exist. And some of them are actually funny. I kinda like this one: What is grammar? The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

A hillbilly is visiting Harvard University. He stops a student and asks: “Do you know where the library is at?” “I do,” replies the student, “but you’re not supposed to end a sentence with ‘at.’ ” “OK,” says the hillbilly. “Do you know where the library is at, asshole?”

A dangling modifier walks into a bar. After ordering a drink, the bartender asks it to leave. A run-on sentence walks into a bar it is thirsty. A group of homonyms wok inn two a bar. And then there’s the synonym who strolls into a drinking establishment.

No catalogue of jokes would be complete without a knock-knock joke and a light bulb joke. So without further ado (or adieu, for eggcorn enthusiasts): Knock knock. Who’s there? With. With who? It’s whom, you idiot.

As for the number of grammarians it takes to change a light bulb, we’ll never find out: whether we put two or twenty on the job, they’ll spend the whole time deciding whether to fuse the appliance into a compound word or keep its components separate. Which reminds me of a question I’ve been meaning to have printed on a T-shirt for some time: “Does anal retentive have a hyphen?”

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3 Responses to Grammah humah

  1. My humerus is aching. Thanks!!

  2. Drew Smylie says:

    and here’s another one making the rounds…
    A verb walked up to a pretty looking noun at a bar.
    “Hey baby, want to come back to my place and conjugate?” he said.
    The noun turned to him, looked him slowly up and down, and then said, “I decline.”

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